


To Binge

by Dollz



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parenting, Best Friends, Birthday, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Light Angst, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22981561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dollz/pseuds/Dollz
Summary: Another day in the uneventful life of Paula Cracker... or so it might seem. Today is her best friend's birthday, and as she prepares to celebrate it with her, she looks back on how they crossed paths after two years of radio-silence.
Relationships: Paula Cracker/Other(s)
Kudos: 2





	To Binge

**Author's Note:**

> This is Based off the Plastic Beach song, "To Binge", and is a sort of semi-sequel to the previous one-shot, "Dead Mom". Hope you enjoy!

"Ma'am...? Ma'am, are you ready to check out?" A certain raven-haired guitarist heard a faint female voice call out to her. She shook her head, snapping herself out of her trance, facing the grocery store cashier, who was visibly irritated by Paula's lack of response.

"Yeah… Yeah, of course." She stammered out before taking out each item one by one from her shopping cart, being extra careful with a certain white box.

Today is May 28th, 2005… twenty-two days since that cursed song, "Feel Good Inc." has been released. Paula doesn't have anything against the song music-wise. It was well-written, and truly a banger. What she despises about this song is how it was written by… them. It’s a daily reminder of them and her most shameful past decision that is being played on the radio over and over again. Her therapist told her that if she wants to move on, she should limit herself from things that remind her of them, but that's really difficult to do when that one reminder is being played everywhere she went and she has no control over it. Damn those guys for making such an addictive tune.

However, she can't focus on that stress right now… Not today. Today is her friend's special day, and she refuses to ruin it for her by making her worry.

Paula is honestly still surprised that Rosie answered her call seven years ago. After all, she did needlessly ghost the poor girl for a whole two years after they graduated. She honestly doesn't remember why she stopped talking to her. It definitely wasn't because of anything personal, since they were practically inseparable during their time at St. Mary's. Like two peas in a pod… Paula felt her chest flood with guilt.

"That'll be £33.34." The cashier stated, looking at the register. The dark-haired woman looked at the young lady that was waiting for her payment. She seemed to be a college girl, only a few years younger than Paula, but despite the not so large age gap, the guitarist found the girl’s youth almost unfamiliar. She is currently twenty-six, and her twenty-seventh birthday is only four months and twelve days away. While to others it was just another birthday, to Paula, it’s a reminder that she was a few years away from turning thirty. As a teenager, she used to believe that she would have everything figured out by the time she’s thirty. Now, here she was, in her late twenties, and she barely has life, let alone herself figured out.

“Thank you.” She responded, handing the worker £35, and getting £1.66 in return as change. After getting all her items bagged, Paula grabs the said bag, and leaves the local Tesco, heading towards her 2000 Ford Sedan in the parking lot.

_ Waiting by the mailbox, by the train _

_ Passin' by the hills 'til I hear the name _

_ I'm looking for a saw to cut these chains in half and all I want is _

_ Someone to rely on as _

_ Thunder comes a rolling down _

_ Someone to rely on as _

_ Lightning comes a staring in again _

On her way home, Paula looks at her watch, and sees that it’s 9:35 in the morning. Rosie will probably awake soon, so she decides to stop by at Costa to get them some coffee. After paying for the two cups, the brown-eyed woman gets back into her car, and continues to drive home, prepared to celebrate her friend's twenty-seventh birthday. Honestly, she feels like that girl deserves a lot more, considering that she gifted Paula an escape from her father's home. She could still remember that day.

It was December 20th, 1998, two months after the band kicked her out and she had to move back in with that bastard. She was working a crappy waitress job to get by, but she still couldn't afford a place of her own. She couldn't ask her old man for money. Her pride forbade her from doing so. She needed to do this on her own, and if she was going to get any help, it can't be from him…

With Christmas being around the corner, Paula didn't just feel stuck and bored. She felt… alone. So, in hopes of distracting herself, she decided to look through her old belongings. Eventually, she stumbled across her old scrapbook. She started flipping through it, but then stopped as soon as she saw one particular photo. It took place in Camden town, a district in London. The people in the photo were a pair of teenage girls. The taller one was dressed in a punk-goth style, sporting a pair of black fishnet stockings, a black miniskirt, a white crop top, a black spiked choker, and a red and black plaid blazer. The shorter girl, on the other hand, was dressed in a yellow plaid blazer and skirt, accompanied with a matching headband… A look of a stereotypical sheltered good girl of those times.

However, she also had something that didn’t match her style, and it was her makeup. It was icy blue eyeshadow that was very popular that decade, accompanied with dark smoky lower lashline, and dark red lipstick that was also very popular. As soon as Paula’s eyes noticed that particular detail, she immediately remembered that school trip. It was during Year 11, and their class was staying in a Premier Inn for a week. It was their last day in London, and the shorter girl’s sixteenth birthday. Since it was the shorter girl’s final twenty-four hours of freedom from her strict aunt, the taller girl decided to make that day special for her by giving her what her Catholic guardian wouldn’t allow back home...

After taking one last look at the frost eye makeup, Paula averted her eyes to her Nokia cellphone, that was lying on her nightstand. She grabbed it, before heading to her father’s old office. She looked through each of his drawers, and until she finally found what she had been looking for… The phonebook. Then, after what felt like hours of flipping through pages, she finally found the name she has been looking for. Then, she dialed the number that she hasn’t called in what seemed like forever.

_ I'll wait to be forgiven _

_ Maybe I never will _

_ My star has left me _

_ To take the bitter pill _

_ That shattered feeling _

_ Well the cause of it's a lesson learned _

_ Just don't know if I could roll into the sea again _

_ Just don't know if I could do it all again she said, it's true _

As Paula listened to the soft ring of her phone, waiting for an answer, she wondered if she should really be doing this. Even if Rosie did answer, what would she say? “I’m sorry for ditching you”? Would Rosie even forgive her? Was Paula worthy of forgiveness? After all the shit she recently went through, she wasn’t sure.

“Hello?” A familiar, gentle voice asked through the device, making the lonely girl jump.

“H-hey, Rose. It’s me.” The 20-year-old woman spoke up.

“... Paula?” Her friend replied in a bewildered, but trembling tone.

“Yeah… I know this is really sudden. If you don’t wanna talk, I under-” Paula rambled, before getting cut off.

“No no! Please!” Rosie cried out, sounding desperate. “... I’m glad to hear from you again.”

“Oh… well, I’m glad to hear from you again too. It’s been a while.” The raven-haired guitarist stated awkwardly.

“Yeah.. It has been.” Her old schoolmate replied in what sounded like a solemn tone.

“So… How’ve you been? How’s Aunt Grace?” Paula asked.

“I… actually don’t know how she’s doing.” Rosie responded.

“Oh, you moved out?” The punk-clad girl questioned.

“... Not exactly… I… I ran away a year ago. Haven’t talked to her since.” The shorter girl answered in a shaky manner.

_ Waiting in my room and I lock the door _

_ I watch the colored animals across the floor _

_ And I'm looking from a distance _

_ And I'm listening to the whispers _

_ And oh it ain't the same, when your falling out of feeling and you're _

_ Falling in and caught again _

_ Cau-au-au-aught again _

“What? You ran away? What happened?!” Paula exclaimed in a concerned tone.

“Well… Remember how Aunt Grace was so set on me going to Oxford? Well… I didn’t get in. So, she did everything in her power to get me into Manchester instead. I spent a couple of months there, before dropping out… It was just… too much.” Rosie answered, her voice quivering at the last part.

“Then, after I came home, she and I started fighting more, and… I just couldn’t do this anymore. I had to leave.” She continued, sounding like she’s on the verge of tears.

“Oh… I’m so sorry.” The dark-eyed girl replied, not knowing how to respond to that.

“No, it’s fine… I’m just glad to finally be away from it all.” Rosie replied, trying to force a braver tone, but Paula could tell that she was anything but fine.

“... If you don’t mind me asking, where are you right now?” Paula questioned.

“Oh, I’m in Leeds. I’m currently working on my Studio Arts degree… How about you?” The soft-spoken girl asked.

“I’m… actually back in Colchester, with dad…” The sharp-tongued woman replied, feeling embarrassed by her own answer.

“Ah… Aren’t you supposed to be with that band of yours?” the college girl inquired.

“You know about that?” the ex-musician said with raised brow.

“Yeah, it was the talk of the town.” Rosie confirmed.

“... It didn’t work out. I was sort of kicked.” Paula explained

_ I'm caught again in the mystery _

_ You're by my side, but are you still with me? _

_ The answer's somewhere deep in it, I'm sorry but your feeling it _

_ But I just have to tell you that I love you so much these days _

_ Have to tell you that I love you so much these days, it's true _

“Oh, that’s terrible! How are you holding up?” Rosie asked, genuinely worried. Paula couldn’t help but sadly smile. Even after abandoning her best mate, she was still as compassionate as ever… She could feel her eyes fill with tears of guilt.

“I’m doing alright, I guess… Just trying to get by until I can afford a new place...” She answered, swallowing back that bitter feeling in her throat.

“... You know, you can come live with me, if you’d like.” The other girl offered, Making the black-haired woman’s eyes grow wide.

“Really? I mean, are you sure? I wouldn’t want to be a burden on you.” Paula rambled, unsure if she should accept such an offer.

“I wouldn’t mind helping you out. After all, what are friends for?” Rosie said with a giggle, making her friend smile once again. After that, it was settled. Paula packed all her things, and was on her way to Leeds, far away from her old man. They got a two-person apartment, and spent that Christmas, as well as the next seven years together.

Looking back, Paula still wonders if she was even worthy of such kindness. What did she ever do to deserve a friend like her? With that thought, she pulls up to their apartment’s driveway.

She after turning her keys and pushing the door open, she kicks off her boots and heads to the kitchen, carrying her bags and coffee cups. She places both of them on the kitchen island. She takes out the Walkers crisps, Maltesers candy, and Napolina pasta, placing all three in the cupboard. Then she takes out the large white box, smiling weakly at it, before carefully placing it in the fridge. This was gonna be saved for tonight.

Her eyes then avert to a different type of container. A bright orange cylinder shaped one filled with white supplements. She lets out a soft sigh, before taking the container, opening it, and taking out two pills. Then she fills a mug with water from the sink, and swallows her daily dose, chugging it down with the cold liquid. She hears a loud yawn. Paula she turns to the doorway to see a certain white-haired girl.

_ My heart is in economy _

_ Due to this autonomy _

_ Rolling in and caught again _

_ Cau-au-au-aught again _

_ Cau-au-au-aught again _

_ (Cau-au-au-aught again) _

_ My heart is in economy _

_ Due to this autonomy (Cau-au-au-aught again) _

_ Rolling in and caught again _

_ Cau-au-au-aught again _

Rosie smiles softly at her housemate, rubbing her eye as she leans against the doorframe in a drowsy manner.

“Morning.” She mumbles softly. Even after all this time, Paula still found it fascinating how different her friend looks compared to how she used to look like years ago. Her once dark raven hair is now of a silvery pale shade and is choppily cut... Of course, the hair color was different due to the girl being hit by lightning back in Year 12, but that’s a whole different story. Aside from the hair, she is also currently wearing a Blur t-shirt as pajamas… A shirt she would’ve been too afraid to come near years ago, due to the dread of having to listen to her aunt’s scornful words. She also has three tattoos now: one on her right shoulder blade, one on the back of her neck, and one on the back of her hand. She also seems… happier… Like a huge weight has finally been lifted off her shoulders… Like her chains have finally been broken.

“Good morning to you, stranger.” Paula chuckles playfully. “Would you like anything for breakfast?”

“Hmm… What do we have?” The birthday girl asks.

“Does cold leftover pizza sound good?” The raven-haired woman offered.

“Sounds lovely.” Rosie answered with a sleepy smile.

“Alright… I brought you a latte, by the way. Your favorite.” Paula mentioned, pointing to the cup.

“Thank you…” The white-haired beauty replied, before taking a sip. She smiled and licked her lips, making her roommate’s heart feel warm.

Paula still doesn’t think of herself as a good person. She was a terrible daughter, a terrible girlfriend, and a terrible friend. She still hates her own guts, is miserable as all hell, and still can’t find a way to be happy with herself. Maybe one day she will, but until then, that smile on her best friend’s face… It's just enough to help her get through a shitty day.


End file.
